for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
