OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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