Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
