There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
