guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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