I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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