i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
