oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My vagina just recognized that song.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
