I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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