I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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