I want to stick my p in your. b.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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