this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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