So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
