Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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