I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
