my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
