i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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