Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
