he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
