How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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