Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
