Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
