Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
