The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
