I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
