and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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