dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
there is glitter all over my balls
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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