You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
