Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We left the knife in your bed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
