Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
