just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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