saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
