I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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