Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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