my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
