i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
