They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
