ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
