i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
