last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
