Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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