the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
