I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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