Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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