dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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