it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize