**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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