And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have already put on my inside pants.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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