Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
