i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
