I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
