she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
