Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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