Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
two words...techno handjob
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
