hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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