can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
50% drunk capacity currently
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
