I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
