billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
