My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
