her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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