I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
