Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
