kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
