I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
