is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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