Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
