the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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