Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
