for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't deserve a penis
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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