i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Randomize
