Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
