we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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