Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
