she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
