____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
